Ahhh, public play. I swore in the beginning I'd never in a
million years do it. Take my clothes off in front of strangers? Heck
no! Now, it's oh yeah! I love public play. Sure, I'm a bit shy at
first, but I oddly find myself twirling about enjoying my nakedess.
Good times.
Ok, so never been to a club before? That's okay. It takes some time to feel comfy doing that. But don't hold back. In many ways, it is a great way to meet people. For the most part, everyone is quite nice and friendly. You do not have to play. You do not have to worry about titles (that's another section altogether). In many ways, it is like any other club scene you've been to, but with some whips and chains. Keep that in mind. Just like any other club scene, you can meet people, blend into the walls, or socialize at your own pace.
Many BDSM clubs have the social section (which is what it is), a play area, a snack area (my personal fave), and of course the play area where people, yeah, play. There are people to greet you and make you feel comfy. Most club owners want you to have a pleasent time - it is a business and all the things that go along with a business apply here. Have a problem? Go to the owner or the management. They will happily assist you.
What to wear. Well, wear what you like. You can dress up fetish, you can dress down, you can do whatever you like, really. Most places do have a changing area where you can come in 'regular clothes' and change into that fabulous corset or assless chaps.
Hark! Who goes there? Everyone goes to a bdsm club. Straight, gay/lesbian, TV's, crossdressers, Dommes, Doms, subs, slaves, etc. It's an amazing diverse crowd. On that note, be respectful of everyone there. It sounds funny, but sometimes you may see a person in a certain "dress" that you've never seen before and at first may find it "strange" - but, um, aren't we all when it comes down to it? Treat others as you wish to be treated. Simple.
Y/you, Sir, Ma'am, Madame, Master, slave, and subs, OH MY! What do you call people? Well, one way to know is to introduce yourself! Amazing what that social exchange can do for you! What is it you wish to be called? You can make up a name, go by a screen name or a scene name. If someone wishes to be called "Number 8" then call them that. Call them "skippy" if that's what they want. In chosing your name, pick one you can live with. Don't pick one you'll forget five minutes later. Yes, I've seen it happen...
Who are you? Ok, so you've met people. Some profess various titles. Keep in mind titles to each person and in each relationship means something different. Yes, some people have their own presets as to what name matches what role, but so does someone else. So if you are looking for the absolute definition on what a sub versus a slave is or a Mistress versus a Madame, there is no dictionary or true definition of any title. So what do you call yourself? Basically whatever you feel most comfortable with. If you are a dominant, there is an array of titles to choose from as with being a bottom or sub or slave, switch or whatever. Just don't make it too complicated.
Along with this is the importance of understanding that, let's say you are a Dominant, not everyone who is a "bottom" ( for the sake of this tid bit, work with me) will bow to you, and not every bottom is to take commands from any Dominant. I bring in the respect issue, once again.
Play scenes - Fun times, good times. I suppose these are more etiquette than anything else. Ok, and some of my pet peeves mixed in.
1. Don't get to close to a scene. There are a few reasons for this, mainly for safety's sake. No one wants a cracked whip to the eye. When people are in a scene, they forget the people standing around looking. This means, you must keep a distance from them, not the other way around. Being too close can also cause people to lose head space and well, it's rude. Admire from afar.
2. Don't speak too loudly around people scening. It's similar to talking through a movie at the theatre. Someone is likely to get annoyed. Whisper like you're in the library.
3. Keep your comments to yourself. Insert one of my pet peeves here. Everyone has a different scene. Everyone reacts to scenes differently. I've never seen a tip jar near people scening, so take a hint from that. It is THEIR SCENE! They are not there to entertain you or anyone else. Think the "bottom" wasn't enjoying it? Think the Dominant wasn't? It's not for you to say or decide. Some people moan loudly, some get spacey quickly (like I do), and some sound like they are in agony. Again, unless you bought tickets and they are to perform for you, no comments.
During aftercare (the care that um, comes after a scene), don't interfere. This is not the time to come over and say, "wicked flogging, dude/dudette! can you show me how to do that?" This is the time equivalent to during and after sex when people don't answer their phones if you call. Let them snuggle up in that blanky alone or with their partner in crime.
Ok, I feel better after my comments on #3.
4. Wipe down and clean up your area after use! 'nuff said
5. Wipe down and clean up your area before use! 'nuff said
Bodies, bodies, everywhere! So at this point in your life, you realize everyone is different. People know that. No one is ever judging your body, really. Big Beautiful Women, Big Beautiful Men, thin, average, a little extra padding, etc. no worries. One thing I've found in this wonderful BDSM family is that no one is sitting there picking out what you see is a flaw. Enjoy yourself.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck? Riiight. When has that line really worked except in a B - rated porn movie? One bad move, indeed. Talk to the person, get to know them, just like in 'nilla land. People are people, regardless of their kink or lifestyle. Approaching someone in that manner is usually a turn off. Suggesting fire play as an introductory sentence is likely to disinterest people. And running around to everyone asking it is also a bad thing. I'm not saying that this would be an eventual conversation, but not initially. Like the vanilla world, relationships take time.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck now? If you do chose to play with someone, it does not mean you are now bound for life. Discuss this ahead of time, like anything. Creating your first scene? Set ground rules. Most importantly, choose a safe word. And do this wisely. Don't choose something so obscure that when needed you forget it. Yep, seen that happen too. The most common ones are 'red' which means stop now, or, "yellow' which can mean slow down or move to something else that hurts too much. Ok, that is what they mean to me, you need to set this up ahead of time. By all means, call the safe word, too. If you think it is a 'wussie' thing to say, then you're not really ready to play (sorry, is that too harsh?). A good Dominant is always waiting to hear the safe word and many, I believe, have a separate ear just for that purpose. The scene or play is to be enjoyed by both parties. (Note: safe words are used when the person is able to speak, if you are not able to speak, then you need to set up a communication method ahead of time, like dropping a ball, etc in lieu of speaking something). Dominants, it is your job to grow that 'extra ear' or be in tuned to watch for the signal.
Additionally, say what you don't like. If you don't enjoy the cane, for example, say it. You wouldn't put pickles on your sandwich if you didn't like them, right? Same principle.
Disclose any medical conditions. Diabetic? Bruise Easily? Have a seizure disorder? Any information like this needs to be told to the person you are playing with. No one wants to start playing with you to find you flipping around like a dead fish five minutes in without knowing what the hell is going on (irreverent, isn't it? sigh, sorry, couldn't help myself, but you get the point).
Mom! Dad! So and so's bothering me! So someone is bothering you. You don't feel safe walking to your care. You don't think something looks safe (a piece of equipment, a scene), or the toilet exploded. Go to the management staff or owner of the club. Do it, do it, do it. Don't be a vigilante. Again, the management wants you to enjoy yourself. That is their job. Let them do it. They know what to do. They are the superheroes, not you.
Ok, so never been to a club before? That's okay. It takes some time to feel comfy doing that. But don't hold back. In many ways, it is a great way to meet people. For the most part, everyone is quite nice and friendly. You do not have to play. You do not have to worry about titles (that's another section altogether). In many ways, it is like any other club scene you've been to, but with some whips and chains. Keep that in mind. Just like any other club scene, you can meet people, blend into the walls, or socialize at your own pace.
Many BDSM clubs have the social section (which is what it is), a play area, a snack area (my personal fave), and of course the play area where people, yeah, play. There are people to greet you and make you feel comfy. Most club owners want you to have a pleasent time - it is a business and all the things that go along with a business apply here. Have a problem? Go to the owner or the management. They will happily assist you.
What to wear. Well, wear what you like. You can dress up fetish, you can dress down, you can do whatever you like, really. Most places do have a changing area where you can come in 'regular clothes' and change into that fabulous corset or assless chaps.
Hark! Who goes there? Everyone goes to a bdsm club. Straight, gay/lesbian, TV's, crossdressers, Dommes, Doms, subs, slaves, etc. It's an amazing diverse crowd. On that note, be respectful of everyone there. It sounds funny, but sometimes you may see a person in a certain "dress" that you've never seen before and at first may find it "strange" - but, um, aren't we all when it comes down to it? Treat others as you wish to be treated. Simple.
Y/you, Sir, Ma'am, Madame, Master, slave, and subs, OH MY! What do you call people? Well, one way to know is to introduce yourself! Amazing what that social exchange can do for you! What is it you wish to be called? You can make up a name, go by a screen name or a scene name. If someone wishes to be called "Number 8" then call them that. Call them "skippy" if that's what they want. In chosing your name, pick one you can live with. Don't pick one you'll forget five minutes later. Yes, I've seen it happen...
Who are you? Ok, so you've met people. Some profess various titles. Keep in mind titles to each person and in each relationship means something different. Yes, some people have their own presets as to what name matches what role, but so does someone else. So if you are looking for the absolute definition on what a sub versus a slave is or a Mistress versus a Madame, there is no dictionary or true definition of any title. So what do you call yourself? Basically whatever you feel most comfortable with. If you are a dominant, there is an array of titles to choose from as with being a bottom or sub or slave, switch or whatever. Just don't make it too complicated.
Along with this is the importance of understanding that, let's say you are a Dominant, not everyone who is a "bottom" ( for the sake of this tid bit, work with me) will bow to you, and not every bottom is to take commands from any Dominant. I bring in the respect issue, once again.
Play scenes - Fun times, good times. I suppose these are more etiquette than anything else. Ok, and some of my pet peeves mixed in.
1. Don't get to close to a scene. There are a few reasons for this, mainly for safety's sake. No one wants a cracked whip to the eye. When people are in a scene, they forget the people standing around looking. This means, you must keep a distance from them, not the other way around. Being too close can also cause people to lose head space and well, it's rude. Admire from afar.
2. Don't speak too loudly around people scening. It's similar to talking through a movie at the theatre. Someone is likely to get annoyed. Whisper like you're in the library.
3. Keep your comments to yourself. Insert one of my pet peeves here. Everyone has a different scene. Everyone reacts to scenes differently. I've never seen a tip jar near people scening, so take a hint from that. It is THEIR SCENE! They are not there to entertain you or anyone else. Think the "bottom" wasn't enjoying it? Think the Dominant wasn't? It's not for you to say or decide. Some people moan loudly, some get spacey quickly (like I do), and some sound like they are in agony. Again, unless you bought tickets and they are to perform for you, no comments.
During aftercare (the care that um, comes after a scene), don't interfere. This is not the time to come over and say, "wicked flogging, dude/dudette! can you show me how to do that?" This is the time equivalent to during and after sex when people don't answer their phones if you call. Let them snuggle up in that blanky alone or with their partner in crime.
Ok, I feel better after my comments on #3.
4. Wipe down and clean up your area after use! 'nuff said
5. Wipe down and clean up your area before use! 'nuff said
Bodies, bodies, everywhere! So at this point in your life, you realize everyone is different. People know that. No one is ever judging your body, really. Big Beautiful Women, Big Beautiful Men, thin, average, a little extra padding, etc. no worries. One thing I've found in this wonderful BDSM family is that no one is sitting there picking out what you see is a flaw. Enjoy yourself.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck? Riiight. When has that line really worked except in a B - rated porn movie? One bad move, indeed. Talk to the person, get to know them, just like in 'nilla land. People are people, regardless of their kink or lifestyle. Approaching someone in that manner is usually a turn off. Suggesting fire play as an introductory sentence is likely to disinterest people. And running around to everyone asking it is also a bad thing. I'm not saying that this would be an eventual conversation, but not initially. Like the vanilla world, relationships take time.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck now? If you do chose to play with someone, it does not mean you are now bound for life. Discuss this ahead of time, like anything. Creating your first scene? Set ground rules. Most importantly, choose a safe word. And do this wisely. Don't choose something so obscure that when needed you forget it. Yep, seen that happen too. The most common ones are 'red' which means stop now, or, "yellow' which can mean slow down or move to something else that hurts too much. Ok, that is what they mean to me, you need to set this up ahead of time. By all means, call the safe word, too. If you think it is a 'wussie' thing to say, then you're not really ready to play (sorry, is that too harsh?). A good Dominant is always waiting to hear the safe word and many, I believe, have a separate ear just for that purpose. The scene or play is to be enjoyed by both parties. (Note: safe words are used when the person is able to speak, if you are not able to speak, then you need to set up a communication method ahead of time, like dropping a ball, etc in lieu of speaking something). Dominants, it is your job to grow that 'extra ear' or be in tuned to watch for the signal.
Additionally, say what you don't like. If you don't enjoy the cane, for example, say it. You wouldn't put pickles on your sandwich if you didn't like them, right? Same principle.
Disclose any medical conditions. Diabetic? Bruise Easily? Have a seizure disorder? Any information like this needs to be told to the person you are playing with. No one wants to start playing with you to find you flipping around like a dead fish five minutes in without knowing what the hell is going on (irreverent, isn't it? sigh, sorry, couldn't help myself, but you get the point).
Mom! Dad! So and so's bothering me! So someone is bothering you. You don't feel safe walking to your care. You don't think something looks safe (a piece of equipment, a scene), or the toilet exploded. Go to the management staff or owner of the club. Do it, do it, do it. Don't be a vigilante. Again, the management wants you to enjoy yourself. That is their job. Let them do it. They know what to do. They are the superheroes, not you.
